Let's Talk Reality: Validation
Happy Wednesday everyone! I know this is a surprise blog post, but it's totally worth it! You might be wondering why I've chosen validation as one of the blog topics and that's because validation is a VERY big thing between teens and adults.
Friday, September 18, I will be releasing the Let's Talk Reality: To Validate or Not to Validate episode on our Zest Of Life W Zara Podcast, so stay tuned! But today you will get a glimpse of what we will be talking about!
In case you don't know what validation means, it means to prove that something is based on truth or fact, or is acceptable.
We see validation everywhere. In school, our own homes, and workplaces. We also see validation in the music industry, among celebrities, artists, professionals, and business owners.
In school, I’ve seen girls competing with other girls and dressing up to impress their girl peers.
You’d think that girls would probably dress their best for their crush, but that’s not really the case anymore. I would see people in my school losing themselves trying to live up to the beauty standard or try to "become popular" all because they wanted to fit in and be validated by others.
Some of you may think this is crazy, but others know that it’s very true. Maybe you were the person looking for validation and I’m not going to lie, I was one of the people who looked for validation, and honestly, it was mentally and physically exhausting because you're changing yourself into a whole other person just to get people to like you.
I spent a lot of time trying to “fix” myself and after years of trying I quit. I was losing my true self, I realized how different I was and how exhausting it was to mask who you truly are. It took me years to realize that if someone didn’t accept me for who I was then I shouldn’t force myself to be their friend.
As a teen entrepreneur, you run into these problems all the time. After talking with some entrepreneurs, professionals, and other creative minds about how they feel when they don’t get a lot of recognition for the things they do, what they wear, and the things they have, it made me realize we’re all the same, the need to be validated is there. We all want to be recognized for something we did, we want to hear that “good job” or “this is the next big thing”. We want people to tell us we look good or acknowledge how much our cars and handbags cost. We end up losing ourselves instead of being genuine to ourselves and recognizing OUR own hard work.
Don’t be like everyone else! Be yourself! Do you have a unique style? Embrace it! You’re passionate about a certain topic? Talk about it! Do you believe in fairies and unicorns? Stand for it! Don’t let ANYONE make you feel like your opinions don’t matter. Don’t let anyone make you feel like you have to look for their validation and opinion.
You might be wondering what this has to do with validation but it has everything to do with validation! You’re looking into people or looking into other places to make you feel like you are worth something, but no matter what you are worth everything! Don’t let someone or something make you feel devalued, remember it’s the validation talking and you don’t want that validation getting into your head.
So, now that we have been over validation and looking for validation in others, what is self-validation?
Self-validation is accepting your own internal experience, your thoughts, and your feelings. Self-validation is being able to accept yourself instead of letting others accept you. Sometimes I think self-validation and self-motivation go hand in hand because once you accept your own thoughts and opinions rather than listening to others, you are able to motivate yourself to become better and you are able to do things because you want to do it.
Self-validation = freedom
That's another way I see it. Without self-validation, people have control over you because they know their opinions and thoughts can affect you. Think of the movie Mean Girls or Geek Charming (I grew up with these movies), the popular group affected the people who weren't popular because they knew everyone looked to the popular girls for validation. This happens in real life believe it or not.
So, I have an exercise for you guys. Take a pen and paper and split the page in half by making a T chart. On the right, list all the things you've done in the past month or year that you did because YOU wanted to do it. On the left, list all the things you did in the past month or year that you did because someone wanted you to do it, or you did it to fit in, or you did it to gain more followers and likes.
Take a look at the list. Do you have more on the left or right? If you have more on the RIGHT, then keep up self-validation, it's important! If you have more on the LEFT, try spending more time on the things you naturally gravitate towards instead of trying to gravitate towards the trendy famous stuff and see how you feel, do a self-care check.
Remember: Self-validation IS part of self-care!
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