Updated: Jan 31, 2021
So recently, with all this craziness going on in the world, it's hard to stay positive and keep good vibes going. Well, I'm here to let you know that we all need a Reality Check! The judgment, the discrimination, the criticism, the way we're living life right now isn't the way it should be.
I wanted to write this article so you can all understand that WE are the influencers of one another. WE are the people who are affecting each other. WE are the people responsible for the criticism, discrimination, and judgment in this world. YES, it is a team effort! So stop pointing fingers at someone else and instead point fingers at yourself. Friends, family, peers, and co-workers affect you day in and day out. People are most likely to pick up on unhealthy habits from others rather than catching healthy habits first, and that needs to change! WE need to put ourselves in each other's shoes before we pass judgment or write someone off! I know that was soo 3rd grade...but we all need to work on empathy as an individual contribution to making OUR world a better place.
Let's start this transformation together with the most critical things first - like, we need to stop the harsh criticism and judgment of others and then complaining about no one doing anything about what's happening right now. It's easy to get into a negative rut, but this article is going to help you identify those negative triggers so that you can push through it! Ready to learn how to manage the 3 C'S in life: Criticize, Condemn, Complain, and how to push past these?
"If you want to gather honey, don't kick over the beehive" - Dale Carnegie
In a lot of situations when it comes to bullying people tend to be the victim and predator, this is because even though they were bullied at one point, they seem to think that taking their anger, frustration, or hurt out on someone else would be better than actually defending someone else getting bullied. Is that confusing? Here's an example (based off of my experience):
There was a girl named Zara that has been bullied multiple times in school. She believed in quality vs. quantity so she took her time in everything she did. She was very independent and didn't talk very much, but all she would do was focus on writing. She was also hard of hearing in both ears. A girl tried to be nice to her, but then started to participate in making fun of her too. Zara would normally shrug it off and acted like it didn't bother her, but every day after school she would tell her parents everything that would happen in class. Her parents told the girl's parent what was going on and the mom confronted the girl about her behavior. She apologized for participating in the bullying and she tried to stick up for Zara, but it was a difficult task. The girl knew how it felt to be bullied and yet she turned around and did the same to Zara...
This is a true story, not made up. This is reality, not a fantasy.
Now, what are the 3 C's in this story exactly? Well, I'm glad you asked! The girl CRITICIZED Zara, CONDEMNING her because of her hearing and personality, and the girl COMPLAINING she couldn't do anything to help.
Learn from this example, learn the lessons, and understand the different points of view coming from the example. The girl could've stood up for Zara knowing how much it hurts to be bullied, but instead, she became the bully. Although it may not have been the "cool" thing to do, she could have shown empathy and stood up for Zara and others would follow along because, at the end of the day, everyone's a follower of someone.
So why is it so hard to be empathetic?
It's because of the stereotypes we carry with us. It's easier to assume that African Americans are good at sports, women aren't as smart as men, goths wear black, or all teens are rebels rather than considering everyone as an individual. If everyone from a very young age to elders saw things in another person's perspective before passing judgment or criticizing someone else than some of our current problems would be fixed.
Do you know why people say "don't provoke rude behavior"?
An experiment shows that when people are rewarded for good behavior, they tend to learn healthy habits, but when they are rewarded for rude behavior, they learn that it's ok to do bad things. So cheering on the fight in the cafeteria or laughing at a rude remark shows them that it's ok to do those things.
The Criticism Test:
1. Your friend shows up at school wearing clothes that don't match. You:
a) Compliment her unique style and keep the criticism to yourself.
b) Take her to the mall and insist that she needs a new wardrobe
c) Laugh at her in front of the whole class about her outfit.
2. You like cookie dough ice cream, but your sister grabbed you some vanilla ice cream on her way home from work. You:
a) Be grateful that she thought of you while getting ice cream and remind her that you like cookie dough ice cream some other time.
b) Thank her, but tell her you like cookie dough instead
c) Tell her that you find it offensive that she does not know your favorite ice cream flavor and vanilla is boring.
Everyone's a critic, but not everyone likes a critic and that's, unfortunately, the confusing truth. Although we want to be helpful, sometimes our observations can come across as judgment and that's why it's very important to choose your words very carefully. So if you answered "b" or "c" in any of the scenarios then it may be better for you to keep some of your "observations" to yourself.
You will come across people in your life that will always seem to be dragging you down. Sadly, you cannot control what other people say, but you can control what you do. You can either let their words get to you and snap back at them (which will do nothing but encourage them to get a negative reaction our of you) or you can use that as fuel. For the people that criticize you or your work, prove them wrong by bettering yourself! Don't indulge and stoop down to their level by making ugly remarks, you are better than that!
On a piece of paper write down any comments you made recently that seemed to anger, upset, or offend anyone. Why did you do it? What motivated you to do it? How what the situation be different if you were to put yourself in the other person's shoes?
Now, write down comments that someone in your life had fairly criticized, condemned, or complained about you. How did you feel? What did they say? How did you respond?
Thank you for taking the time to read this article. By reading this article, YOU are making a change. You are educating yourself about the rights and the wrongs of influencing others. Share this post with friends and family members or anyone you know that should know the 3 C's in life and how important it is to know how it affects people around the world.